Tag: men

Whether it looks like it or not at this time, your children need you to be a godly father to them. No matter how far they may be into the world or how far they seem to be OK without your loving input in their lives, they need you.

If you’ve taken on the role of disciplinarian and minimized the role of nurturing father, the relationship with your child has more than likely gone south. Any form of real, loving communication is more than likely a thing of the past. If that is the case, your input into their lives is less than minimal and in some cases non-existent.

I had a friend who counseled a man and his daughter. Their only form of communication was loud, aggressive, and wounding at every turn. It was clear that both parties had long ago abandoned any hope of meaningful interaction. The possibility of joy in their relationship was hopelessly off the radar.

Here’s the counsel my friend gave the father in front of the daughter. For the next two weeks, he was to allow her to express anything - even her deepest hurts, angers, and wounds that he had created - without fear of any return comment, defense, or grudge on his part. He promised to keep his mouth shut and allow her to express anything she wanted.

For the first four days, a torrent of his violations toward her - real or perceived - poured from her heart. Wounds from long ago - most of them long forgotten by the father - spewed forth every time she opened her mouth. On about the fifth day, something pretty incredible happened. It started with her asking questions about his violations. He began to apologize and accept the blame for everything without transferring it to her in any way. She responded to that with tears and deeper communication of her wounds. He simply started to hold her close, physically and in his heart.

After about a week, meaningful dialog became part of their lives. They decided to hold each other in high esteem. The relationship took on the glow of love rather than the fire of anger. Beginning steps were made to a long, proper father-daughter relationship. This may not be something for you, but ask the Lord for His direction in your situation. You are the daddy. You begin the healing by humbling yourself in any way that the Lord directs. Will you do it for His sake and theirs?

Let’s talk more!

Jim Corbett

A violation of a trust is hazardous to any relationship, especially a marriage covenant relationship. Recently, we talked about sealing your marriage. If you don’t do so, it opens the door to violations of your wife’s trust on countless occasions, leaving a shell of a true marriage relationship as God sees it. These violations can continue to grow until the communication gap between spouses is so wide that there is little or no meaningful dialog except for addressing practical daily needs. When there is a lack of trust and communication breaks down, the true, intimate feelings, fears, and needs of either spouse can easily become fodder for the other spouse with his or her friends or a counselor of some sort. When this happens, it is more than likely that both of them will retreat even more to protect themselves from further wounds.

Men, your office demands that you guide your wife and family to true intimacy with the Lord, so that they can be prepared to glorify His name and do His work.  That ability only comes from intimacy with Him yourself. If you find intimacy difficult to attain, there is a good possibility that the violations of trust in your past have been carried into your marriage and will not allow you to trust anyone, even God. If that is the case, only the Lord can show you how deep the scars are. Only He can heal you so that you have the ability to really trust again and be trustworthy yourself.

While you’re dealing with the Lord about your own brokenness, a good place to start is to stop violating your wife’s trust at this very moment. Stop every negative thought about her. Stop jesting to others about even her smallest quirk. Stop communicating her failures with your buddies. Never again minimize her with your mouth or in your mind. Don’t criticize her so you can feel better about yourself. Determine that every communication that comes out of your mouth about her will be positive and uplifting. Learn to speak of her value to others as the Lord shows you how He sees her.  Make it your project in life to be trustworthy of her slightest wound or deepest fear, so she can learn to whole-heartedly trust you. Although it’s only a beginning of the kind of covenant God has established for the two of you, it’s a start. Watch the life that springs from the change in your perspective by the grace of God. Are you encouraged to try?

Let’s talk more!

Jim Corbett

How many of your friends know some of your wife’s faults? How many times have the words from your mouth been less than high praise for the partner God has given you? How many of your “prayer needs” to others are nothing more than spiritual gossip and an opportunity to minimize her and show your spirituality?

Well, men, if any of those questions or something like them pertains to you, you have some repenting to do. You have completely missed the concept and astounding, powerful impact that sealing your marriage has.

God has ordained a marriage to allow two people to grow and prosper in Christ through His power. He has joined two very imperfect people together so that they can provide a safe place for each other to fail over and over again, and then be healed over and over again. In His eyes, they have covenanted to live their lives for the best interests of the other.

People today think nothing of violating the trust of their husband or wife at the drop of a hat, missing the fact that each violation minimizes the ability of the spouse to safely share his or her personal details. Each instance of gossip, “counsel” with a friend, or even a small verbal jab shows the spouse that communication with his or her mate is a potential danger of the exposure of his or her deepest needs. That danger closes the door to any form of deep healing.

God’s way is to have those He has joined together go to each other for their healing. He intends that every marriage should be sealed and off limits to everyone else unless both partners agree to have some form of counsel, and then only to a point they both agree on. Other than that, they are to go to God for the needs of the other. Once trust is established again, true God-impacted healing can take place. Maybe it’s time to rethink things.

Let’s talk more!

Jim Corbett

Men, do you remember those cute little things that you loved when you first met your wife that now drive you nuts? Remember when you were so much in love that she could do nothing wrong? Remember when all your conversations about her were glittering with accolades and glowing with wondrous praises? Has anything changed?

If things have become complacent in your marriage, you now quietly put up with those quirks, and you have few glorious praises about your wife before others because the glow of her wealth has worn off, she is not wrong - you are. If you minimize her in any way because she has flaws in your eyes, you don’t understand your office as a husband.

Here is your privilege, men! You are the only one in this world chosen by God to observe the imperfections of your wife. You are the only one in this world whom He trusts to prayerfully hold those imperfections before Him, so that she might become more like Jesus. He trusts you to never share them with others. God observes your wife as righteous and on her way to holiness. He observes her through the blood of Jesus. He is focused more on who she will become rather than on what she is not.

Satan loves it when married couples pick each other apart by bringing up each other’s flaws. Unwise couples fall for his plan, and minimize the impact their marriage could have in the world. Wise men and women understand that the limitations they have the privilege of seeing in their spouse are wonderful opportunities to hold that person before the Lord for his or her best interest. It is one of the highest privileges given in marriage. How are you doing with that?

Let’s talk more!

Jim Corbett

As a husband, your position is one of service, never dominance. If you really understand Ephesians 5, you will see that you are to lay down your life for your wife in the same way that Jesus laid down His life for you. He gave Himself up for you. In God’s eyes, loving your wife as Christ loved the church is the only reason you are to leave your father and mother and be married.

With that in mind, what does your wife need?  I don’t mean what does she want, but what does she need to help her become everything she is supposed to be in Christ? What kind of fertile soil are you providing for her to prosper spiritually?

Your marriage relationship is to be an example of the relationship Christ has with the church. The world is supposed to see Jesus through how they perceive your interaction with your wife. How is that working for you? How do your actions toward your wife - caring for her spiritual life, placing her before yourself, communication to others about her - reflect the character of Jesus in front of others?

In general, men, the family is out of order in this world, mostly because men don’t comprehend the impact of their actions toward their wives. You as a man need to understand the spiritual implications of your husband to wife interactions. You need to know that interaction not only affects your whole family, it affects how those who are watching you see Jesus.  Your continual awareness of your wife’s needs is one of God’s ways of you fulfilling your offices of husband and father in His eyes. He considers it good stuff! Do you?

Let’s talk more!

Jim Corbett