Month: June 2024

Whether it looks like it or not at this time, your children need you to be a godly father to them. No matter how far they may be into the world or how far they seem to be OK without your loving input in their lives, they need you.

If you’ve taken on the role of disciplinarian and minimized the role of nurturing father, the relationship with your child has more than likely gone south. Any form of real, loving communication is more than likely a thing of the past. If that is the case, your input into their lives is less than minimal and in some cases non-existent.

I had a friend who counseled a man and his daughter. Their only form of communication was loud, aggressive, and wounding at every turn. It was clear that both parties had long ago abandoned any hope of meaningful interaction. The possibility of joy in their relationship was hopelessly off the radar.

Here’s the counsel my friend gave the father in front of the daughter. For the next two weeks, he was to allow her to express anything - even her deepest hurts, angers, and wounds that he had created - without fear of any return comment, defense, or grudge on his part. He promised to keep his mouth shut and allow her to express anything she wanted.

For the first four days, a torrent of his violations toward her - real or perceived - poured from her heart. Wounds from long ago - most of them long forgotten by the father - spewed forth every time she opened her mouth. On about the fifth day, something pretty incredible happened. It started with her asking questions about his violations. He began to apologize and accept the blame for everything without transferring it to her in any way. She responded to that with tears and deeper communication of her wounds. He simply started to hold her close, physically and in his heart.

After about a week, meaningful dialog became part of their lives. They decided to hold each other in high esteem. The relationship took on the glow of love rather than the fire of anger. Beginning steps were made to a long, proper father-daughter relationship. This may not be something for you, but ask the Lord for His direction in your situation. You are the daddy. You begin the healing by humbling yourself in any way that the Lord directs. Will you do it for His sake and theirs?

Let’s talk more!

Jim Corbett

A violation of a trust is hazardous to any relationship, especially a marriage covenant relationship. Recently, we talked about sealing your marriage. If you don’t do so, it opens the door to violations of your wife’s trust on countless occasions, leaving a shell of a true marriage relationship as God sees it. These violations can continue to grow until the communication gap between spouses is so wide that there is little or no meaningful dialog except for addressing practical daily needs. When there is a lack of trust and communication breaks down, the true, intimate feelings, fears, and needs of either spouse can easily become fodder for the other spouse with his or her friends or a counselor of some sort. When this happens, it is more than likely that both of them will retreat even more to protect themselves from further wounds.

Men, your office demands that you guide your wife and family to true intimacy with the Lord, so that they can be prepared to glorify His name and do His work.  That ability only comes from intimacy with Him yourself. If you find intimacy difficult to attain, there is a good possibility that the violations of trust in your past have been carried into your marriage and will not allow you to trust anyone, even God. If that is the case, only the Lord can show you how deep the scars are. Only He can heal you so that you have the ability to really trust again and be trustworthy yourself.

While you’re dealing with the Lord about your own brokenness, a good place to start is to stop violating your wife’s trust at this very moment. Stop every negative thought about her. Stop jesting to others about even her smallest quirk. Stop communicating her failures with your buddies. Never again minimize her with your mouth or in your mind. Don’t criticize her so you can feel better about yourself. Determine that every communication that comes out of your mouth about her will be positive and uplifting. Learn to speak of her value to others as the Lord shows you how He sees her.  Make it your project in life to be trustworthy of her slightest wound or deepest fear, so she can learn to whole-heartedly trust you. Although it’s only a beginning of the kind of covenant God has established for the two of you, it’s a start. Watch the life that springs from the change in your perspective by the grace of God. Are you encouraged to try?

Let’s talk more!

Jim Corbett